I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
