Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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