at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
