9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I stole a fireplace last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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