My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
