I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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