she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
