Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
