You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
