In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
