Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
