mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
