just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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