I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
