PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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