thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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