she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i will never coherently bang her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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