Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
