So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
