Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
