Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
