there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
