I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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