So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
