My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
