i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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