Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
