He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
