What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I need to stop coming to work sober
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
