tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
