The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
