I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
