He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
