my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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