So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
