Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
