Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
