My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
