He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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