I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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