he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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