Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
