I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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