Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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