uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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