11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
