atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
