we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
