Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk is not a location!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
