Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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