Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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