If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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