My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
