guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
