What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
