I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
