Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
