before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
