This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
