you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need water and some morals
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
