I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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