i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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