I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
