FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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