I hate all girls vehemently.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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