the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
