after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
