yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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