So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
