tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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