You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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