He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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