i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
