My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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